Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
