We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
