sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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