literally had 100 drinks last night.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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