32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
