dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Everything about him screamed your future.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
