She's JV to your varsity
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
