Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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