I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
