considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
