he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
