You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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