my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
