just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
