matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
