There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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