First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
it's like iHOP with fire
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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