I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
