Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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