hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
