Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
