Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
