ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
