so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
