I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
