Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
