I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
