wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
