so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
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