what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
