I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
