Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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