Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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