I wanna bring you to show and tell
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
