we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
