I want to stick my p in your. b.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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