I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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