Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
