Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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