it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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