he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
