just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
