I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
