Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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