i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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