pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
