she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
