She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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