I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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