He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
