ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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