i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I enjoy the company of your penis
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
