that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
